Before I had a blog, I had journals. Like Bridget Jones and her infamous diary, I wrote faithfully in my journals nearly every night, telling it secrets like it was my best friend. Unlike Bridget, I have been doing so since I was 8 years old. During a much-needed spring cleaning while my husband and son were visiting family in Las Vegas, I found all 15 of them. In an effort to purge and clean out the spare bedroom for our son, I decided to discard the ones that were more about my trials and tribulations of broken relationships right before my marriage. But I kept the ones that were from the 70’s, 80’s and early 90’s, because those were the times of my adolescence, high school and early college years.
I loved reading through the times I spent with my friends, events at school, songs that I was listening to, concerts I attended and clothes that I wore. They were full of angst over arguments with my younger sister and parents, but a good amount of time was spent on unrequited love. I knew I had several rock star crushes, but the most heartfelt ones were mainly over Alan Wilder. I always knew how big of a crush I had on him (post here), but reading my diary entries proved a little painful because it just goes to show where a 16 year-old’s mind wanders off to in times when she feels like there is no hope. My written pleas to the universe of “If I could only just meet him, it would make my life complete!” were almost gut-wrenching. I even had my sister sit down and read them and she almost couldn’t get through the entries because it was a bit uncomfortable. I had to keep reminding her that although I was sitting right there in front of her and the entries were in my handwriting, it was my younger and more immature self penning those anxious words.
Inside cover page of a diary circa 1985 to 1986
I laugh now because I have since met Alan Wilder, danced in front of him for a contest in the middle of a record store, and was later recognized by Alan at his show later that night (post here). I think that 16 year-old would never have believed that it could be true and would have probably squealed in delight and horror knowing that there was a possibility of even being in the same room with him in a non-concert atmosphere.
The saddest but most revealing part of reading my old diaries was how much I longed for a boyfriend. I really wish I could sit that poor girl down and let her know that she should continue to enjoy her family, friends, music, clothes and to not worry about when that boy will finally save her from herself. But despite reading my inner-turmoil over not having a boyfriend, it has been so much fun to see the timeline of events, milestones and just the little things that I did that I could never have remembered on my own, yet opened a whole floodgate of memories once I read the entries. It puts this blogging thing that I do into perspective and helps me understand my personal need to document my thoughts and feelings, even in a forum that I’ve mostly dedicated to fashion & music. That is why I have interspersed my family and personal life throughout my current blog entries, because feel I am capturing life as it happens. This trip through memory lane definitely does spark my desire to continue blogging because I enjoy writing, and because of the documentation of a timeline that I could look back on and say “Oh yes, I remember that!”
