I can’t believe it’s been a year since the pandemic began. It was a little over a year ago that I went to my last event where crowds were not an issue and not a mask was in sight. I can’t believe the last concert I went to was in 2019 and that I haven’t been back to my hometown since then as well.
I’ve also been thinking about the world of being an influencer. I started blogging back in 2010. I did it because so many people would compliment me on my outfits and subsequently asked me where I shopped, or what brand I was wearing. I used it as a creative outlet and I was posting up outfits several times a week, sharing where I shopped and fun places I’d visit.
When I began as a blogger in San Diego, I made friends, joined networks, connected with people, brands and promotional companies, never worried about my numbers and just worried about good content and how I represented a particular brand or company. My social media numbers have always been lower than most, but I had built up such a great network of blogger friends and relationships with different local and national companies, having high numbers of followers were never an issue. I posted regularly and was often complimented on my content and brand representation. I was always busy and went to many events where I always saw my blogger and influencer friends. One of my most prestigious partnerships was with Legoland, because I have a friend who worked in media industry who recommended me.
My “influence” as it were, significantly changed when I moved to Arizona back in 2018. Although I had received some invites to events and was able to connect with Phoenix Fashion Week due to my wonderful friend Tiffany of Glitz and Glam by Tiff, I didn’t get any good traction with brands or companies out here. It really started to take a toll on my self-esteem because I went from heavily being a part of the influencer scene out in San Diego, to nearly no activity out here in Arizona.
So I did the best I could, posted as much as I could about local places in Chandler and The Valley, and developed a wonderful relationship with Phoenix Fashion Week (which I still have to this day). I received a few more requests for product reviews and felt a bit better when I joined a foodie network, meeting new influencer friends.
Still, I noticed how important numbers and followers were out here. I attempted to double my followers on Instagram, and tried to grow my followers on Facebook. I started to feel overwhelmed with trying to keep up and I have never felt my age and “maturity” more than I have in the Arizona influencer scene.
When the pandemic hit last year, it was right after I attended the “Suits & Sneakers” event with Phoenix Fashion Week. I had attended several food events up until then, including the Asian District Night Market. After that, we did more “take home” food reviews for my foodie network, which suited me fine. But I still felt like something was missing and that I just couldn’t get myself to feel the same about influencing.
I’ve been working from home since 2018, but once the pandemic really started to take hold, my husband started to work from home as well and our son began online learning. We decided to finally take care of all the “honey-do” things and decorated our guest room to be this mid-century modern haven. We added bistro lights and more furniture to our backyard, and bought a trampoline for our son. We also purchased dozens of board games and a billiards/air hockey/ping pong table. We definitely set to create a comfortable place to live and hang out, knowing we would be limited in what we could do outside of our home.
During this time, my mom’s health started to deteriorate, and we weren’t sure what to do for her anymore. When it started to finally worsen, she was hospitalized and finally put on dialysis for almost three months. Slowly but surely, her health started to improve and she is thankfully out of the woods! She was taken off dialysis and has made a full recovery.
Going through this pandemic and experiencing this situation with a family member’s health has made me realize that my sadness about my influencer status was not the most important thing in my world anymore. I kept trying to figure out why I was feeling so down about it, and it really was my feeling like I was constantly on the outside looking in. I felt like I was always watching from a distance and not quite belonging to any group, whether it was as a fashion blogger or as a foodie. Being in the foodie network granted me some cool experiences and I’ve met some awesome people, but I still didn’t feel as included as I did with my blogger friends in San Diego.
I also started reading blog posts on leaving the “influencer industry” like this one called “Why I Quit Being a Social Media Influencer” by Catherine Taylor. It really resonated with me and she accurately described what I have been going through. I started to watch my Instagram posts decline from once a week to nearly none, and I started not to care. In fact, I haven’t posted on my blog since September 2020, and prior to that, I posted every few months rather than my regular two to three times a week. I couldn’t get motivated to post because it didn’t matter to me anymore, because I have been working hard to create a lovely home and take care of my family. I also feel like I need to do a social media purge like Catherine did, only following the accounts that I care about and actually want to follow, instead of following because I was in some kind of paid loop or out of obligation.
Still, I feel like I want to stay as an influencer, because it’s fun, and I’ve been missing it lately. I have a few post that I have obligations to load, but after that, I haven’t been making an effort to reach out or become available for anything. I fluctuate between wanting to stay and wanting to stop, and I have been in a quandary about it for the last few weeks.
So what I’ve decided, in order to maintain some dignity and to save my sanity, was to go back to basics. I needed an “Influenceur Redux” (French and Latin mixed I know), as I like to call it, and to just not worry about who was going to include me in the next cool event and to just do what influencers do best: influence! My friends, family and followers look to me for my opinions on what to wear, where there are great places to eat and what fun things there are to do. I’ve worked with brands on their products or local establishments because I am good with creating great content. If others choose to include me in their grand opening celebrations or special events, then fantastic! If not, that should be ok as well because I can’t let that define me or let it allow me to feel less of a person or influencer because I wasn’t invited. It didn’t matter before, and it shouldn’t now.
I know what I like, and my friends, family and followers know who I am and I can’t pretend to be someone I’m not. I’m feeling like I’ll be back, slowly but surely. But it will be in my own time, on my own terms, as it should be. Cheers to a new beginning!
